It doesn't surprise me that there's a ban on rattling in some places. It really can irritate people. Likewise asking. My own rule is always to avoid asking unless you've had eye contact acknowledged. People tend to avoid eye contact unless they're partially willing, so there's no sense at asking at all until you've had that degree of confirmation. (and it's obviously rude to ask people who don't want to make eye contact - which I suspect is why some places have had to create rules to stop those who either don't think, or are bad at reading body language)

Agree with you about the sympathy donations. I'd done that myself when I've seen a cold, wet collector.